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Saturday, April 01, 2006

We All Have Faults - These Are Mine!

I ignore superstitions and many holidays. I cannot remember the last time I played an April Fools joke on someone. Or intentionally wore green on St. Patrick's Day. I've never worried about the negative effects of doing laundry on New Year's Day and I've gone to bed angry more than once. I haven't cooked a turkey or a whole chicken in years, so I haven't been able to break a wishbone with anyone. I occasionally cross against the light and I use language in front of my friends that my kids and my mother have never heard come out of my mouth. I always look up into the night sky and wish on any & all stars that I can see. I cross my fingers when I make a promise that isn't sincere. I really believe the Reds have a chance to win this year. I can only remember a few jokes - most of them involve engineering humor and are not always funny to non-engineers. I don't understand why people don't like math.

I think my kids & my pets are smarter and prettier than anyone else's. I'm very cynical, but I wake up every morning thinking it is going to be a great day. I hold grudges. I hate to cook, but will cheerfully clean up after anyone who cooks for me. Every spring, my flower garden starts out pruned and weeded and beautiful. I vow it will stay that way all year. By mid-summer, there are dead leaves which should be removed, thin spots where annuals have wasted away from too little water, drooping plants which should have been staked long ago and roses perpetually in need of dead-heading. I store away the seeds I intended to plant and promise I will be different NEXT year.

I'm impatient. I get irritated at people who don't seem efficient. Especially when they don't CARE! While I didn't invent multi-tasking, I have taken it to an art form.

I wonder why everyone doesn't recycle. I hate to shop for clothes. I get cranky when I'm tired. When a project is going well, I don't want to stop for anything. I hate rap-crap. I don't exercise enough. I don't believe in horoscopes, but my biorhythm is always on-target.

OK, I lied. These aren't all my faults, just those I'm willing to share.

Did you hear about the atom who went into the bar muttering to himself? The bartender asked him what was wrong. The atom replied, "I've lost an electron."
Bartender: "Are you sure?"
Atom: "Yes, I'm positive!"

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